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User talk:The kill777
Welcome Hi, welcome to Creepypasta Wiki! Thanks for your edit to the Sky The Cutter page. Please be sure to check out all the Site Rules, as it is important to follow them. Failure to abide by them may result in your account being blocked. Read some new pastas by checking out or browse by topic by checking out the Genre Listing. Please leave a message on my talk page if I can help with anything! EmpyrealInvective (talk) 00:00, August 24, 2016 (UTC) EmpyrealInvective (talk) 00:02, August 24, 2016 (UTC) Re: Story Your story has been removed for failing to meet the bare minimum quality standards for this site. There are a massive amount of punctuation, capitalization, wording, grammatical, and story issues here. Capitalization: You have a tendency to randomly capitalize words. "But Sky, was a whole other Story (story).", "It was a beautiful friday (Friday) morning.", "All she ever wore was (were) Black (black) jeans, Black (black) converse, And a Black (black) pullover Hoodie (hoodie), with a cut out hole for the thumbs.", "name? so (So) i (I) know."", etc. There are at least three dozen other instances of you randomly capitalizing words in the story. As this has occurred in all your other stories, I strongly suggest proof-reading as the next time a story with these many issues is posted, you will likely receive a warning. Punctuation: You tend not to properly apostrophize contractions and possessive words. "Let(')s Play a Game.", ""DON(')T YOU EVER GO OUT UNLESS WE KNOW YOUNG GIRL."", ""Oh ok, i(')m Sky. And i(')m only 14 years old..."", "And everyday was the same, after Sky(')s shift", "Something sparked in Sky(')s mind", etc. You also forget to punctuate a number of sentences "And sobbed(period missing)" or use periods when you should have used a comma (see below). Awkward wording: You have a tendency to awkwardly break sentences where there is no reason as the following sentence completes the originating sentence. "Coming home everyday to drug-addicted parents. And a young 7 year old brother named Mark", "Sky had a flat long Half shave. That never curled,", "Sky was getting ready, in her room... the attic. For her job.", etc. It severely breaks story flow when you don't complete sentences. Awkward wording cont.: "She had a,(an) acceptable payed (paying) job.", "That was meant way to (too) much for children. (also awkwardly worded)", "The best thing Sky would ever get, is a three minute break, or left overs of others(') food after (she) finished.", "She hated the way makeup would hide the true smile behind the makeup (redundant).", "she would usually serve with a happy grin for about 7 hours, then (sic) have a break right before the resturant closed.", etc. Grammar: There=indicatory, they're=they are, their=possession: "Who in there (their) right mind would do such a thing?", "leaving there (their) 12 year old brother at home for 3 days", etc. " It's=it is, its=possession "its ketchup". Story issues: First and foremost, the concept has been done a lot of times before (An OC with abusive parents who snaps and murders them.) We get about five of these stories every week and each one of them is almost identical to the others due to their formulaic plots. It doesn't really help the fact that she sews her mouth shut and keeps dropping the "You lost." catchphrase (which really doesn't tie into the story much and seems odd with her sewing her own mouth shut). Story issues cont.: There are a lot of plot holes in the story itself. First off, how is Sky working a 9-5 job (" she would usually serve with a happy grin for about 7 hours") when she's a minor without her parents' knowledge? Additionally with labor laws as they are, how is she working those hours. She's doing a pretty public job so how come no one is noticing that this fourteen year old girl is not only working, but also being abused, and apparently not attending school of any kind? Plot holes cont.: How exactly is Sky hiding an abandoned child in a restaurant without anyone else coming across her? How exactly can she manage to hide this girl for five years in a restaurant while providing her with food, clothes, and shelter all without anyone knowing? It seems extremely unlikely that she could manage this for so long. Additionally, why wouldn't she try to get help from authorities or the police? On that point, why isn't she getting help herself? It feels like this sad story was tacked onto the plot and really doesn't hold up when thought about. Conclusion: There are a lot of other issues present, but the numerous capitalization, punctuation, wording, grammar, and story issues were what stood out to me at a glance. I'm sorry, but this story needs a massive amount of work and since the concept has been done (numerous) times before, I don't really think this can be salvaged. Your story was deleted for failing to meet the most basic quality standards for the site. I suggest using the writer's workshop for your next story and looking over the links provided above. EmpyrealInvective (talk) 00:42, August 24, 2016 (UTC)